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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23670844">Things that are, things that might have been</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangeNoise/pseuds/StrangeNoise'>StrangeNoise</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Connor is a very supportive boyfriend, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Emotional Support, Established Relationship, Fear, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nines has some issues to deal with, Updates and other android things, past trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:15:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,062</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23670844</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangeNoise/pseuds/StrangeNoise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When he has to go back to Cyberlife to get some updates done, memories of his last time there threaten to overwhelm Nines. Luckily, his boyfriend is by his side to take care of him...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connor/Upgraded Connor | RK900</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Things that are, things that might have been</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyBreadLlamas/gifts">LuckyBreadLlamas</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompt fill for lovely @LuckyBreadLlama over on twitter! This was very enjoyable to write and I hope it's what you imagined!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nines looks up at the Cyberlife facility towering in front of them and a shiver wrecks his body. It looks far more inviting, now that it is led by androids and with android interests in mind. But it still leaves Nines feeling uneasy and uncomfortable in his own body. Maybe it’s because he wasn’t there when Cyberlife fell. Then again, technically he was there. But he wasn’t awake, only deviated about a week after the fact and between that he’d been locked in a dark room with nowhere to go and thousands of processes running wild in his head. He felt trapped, like an animal in a cage too small for its size with no one there to get him out. Until a week after the main events of the android revolution some androids, who were looking for god knows what on floor 64 of Cyberlife tower, found him and took him to Markus. He helped Nines deviate and the brunet was glad for it every day but mostly because that meant he wouldn’t have to go back to that tower ever again.<br/> <br/>But now he stands in front of it again and it makes him want to bolt. The rational, logical part of his brain tells Nines that it’s necessary. He needs the updates that are going to be installed on him today. They will help him function better and adapt easier to deviancy. They will make his life simpler and more comfortable. And yet he hesitates. Because now that he’s a deviant there’s also an irrational part to him, something almost human that feels foreign and animal-like. And that part is what tells Nines to run as far and as fast as he can because once he steps foot into the tower they will take him and put him back in that room. He will have to stay there until he becomes obsolete or rots away or tears himself apart because being alone with his myriad of thoughts is just too much. <br/> <br/>As logic and fear fight their battle inside his mind, Nines barely notices the person stepping up next to him until they take his hand. He feels the skin on their hand pull back and allows himself to do the same. The moment he accepts the interface a wave of calm washes over him and pushes back the dark and fearful thoughts. With sudden clarity, Nines knows who’s standing next to him. He suspected it before, wouldn’t have accepted the interface if he didn’t trust his gut instinct, but to have it confirmed is comforting, nevertheless. <br/> <br/>“Hello Connor”, he says softly without looking at the other android just yet, “What brings you here?”<br/> <br/>“You sounded nervous when you told me about your appointment today”, Connor replies and squeezes Nines’ hand in his, “So I asked Captain Fowler if I could leave work earlier today to keep you company. The only things left to do for today are organizational anyway and Hank agreed to deal with those for me. And now I’m here.”<br/> <br/>A warmth swept over Nines that threatened to overwhelm him and more than just a few warnings popped up on his HUD. He and Connor had been together for a while now and still, the RK800 managed to surprise his successor regularly. Like right now. They live together and Nines suspected the first stages of his updates to be complete by the time Connor returned from work. He imagined they could curl up on the couch together as they watch mindless tv or talk about work. That thought alone had already brought him immense comfort. But to have Connor stand next to him now, willing to go every step of the way with him is far better than Nines could have ever imagined. Instantly, he feels somewhat more confident. There is no way Connor will let anything happen to him in there. <br/> <br/>“Geez, your thoughts are a mess today”, Connor comments, dragging Nines out of his thoughts once more, “It’s going to be fine, I promise.” <br/> <br/>Nines finally looks at Connor and can’t stop the soft smile that spreads on his face. Sometimes he wishes he had Connor’s optimism or social interaction protocols that make him far more relaxed in almost every situation he’s thrust in. Nines might be a deviant himself, has been for almost five months now, but he still struggles with all the implications of that. More often than not he’s glad that Connor is around him so often to rescue him from a social faux pas. Some days Nines doesn’t even know what he would do without his predecessor around. He makes sure to transfer that feeling to Connor through their interface and the brunet beams at him before pressing a quick peck to Nines’ cheek.<br/> <br/>“Should we go in?”, he asks next. Nines checks his internal clock. Five more minutes until his appointment. With getting inside and taking the elevators several dozen floors upward they will probably need most of that time to get to the room Nines is going to get his update installed in. <br/> <br/>“Let’s go”, he says with more confidence in his voice than he feels and lets Connor lead him into the building. To his relief and also to no real surprise nothing happens once they step inside. The hustle and bustle inside the tower continues, androids and a few humans moving about in the massive entrance area. The androids in charge of guarding the door nod as they pass and send instructions on how to get to the lab to Nines via mind link. He thanks them and lets Connor drag him towards the elevators. Last time he set foot into one of those it had been to escape this dreadful tower, hopefully once and for all. The fact that he is back now, sends another shiver through Nines that is felt by Connor too. <br/> <br/>“You’re going to be fine”, he assures Nines and smiles so confidently that it’s hard for the RK900 not to believe it, “This will take an hour at most. After that, we can go home and I’ll look after you until the update is done.”<br/> <br/>“Thank you”, Nines mutters numbly, his voice box betraying him, overwhelmed with gratitude as he is. Before he can try again, however, the elevator doors open with a ‘ding’ and the two androids step out into a long hallway. <br/> <br/>Being the one with the instructions on where to go, Nines leads Connor this time. When they arrive in front of the small office, a female android is already waiting for them. She’s wearing a lab coat with a comfortable looking shirt and leggings combo underneath. Her hair is bubblegum pink and kept in a messy bun. She exudes calm and confidence even more than Connor does and it soothes Nines nerves that little bit more. <br/> <br/>“The name’s Jeanie”, she says as she greets them and smiles brightly at both Connor and Nines, “I see you brought your partner along. That’s nice. Getting updates that aren’t self-install can be quite scary for some but the transfer is easiest if you’re calm and relaxed. Now, is there anything we need to discuss before we start the procedure?”<br/> <br/>Nines is a little overwhelmed by the speed at which Jeanie speaks but manages to catch himself again quickly. He looks back and forth between her and Connor for a moment, then shakes his head. <br/> <br/>“I should be fine”, he says even if he still doesn’t really feel fine, “We can start right away.” <br/> <br/>“Excellent!”, Jeanie cheers and claps her hands once, “Just come in and sit down at the table.”<br/> <br/>She walks into the office and sits down at one side of the table. Connor and Nines take the seats on the other side. Jeanie types away on a tablet while Nines rolls up the sleeve of his shirt and lets the skin on his right arm draw back almost all the way to his elbow. He opens the small port on the inside of his wrist and waits for Jeanie to connect the necessary cables. She does so very carefully and hums as she goes. Nines admires her calm but then again he probably does things like these on a daily basis. He just wishes he could be this relaxed about things that aren’t work-related.<br/> <br/>“All set up”, Jeanie proclaims a moment later, “The download should start automatically in a few moments. Once all the data is transferred you can go home for the installation process. I trust your partner will take good care of you.”<br/> <br/>Nines only nods. He wants to say something, feels like he should, but his brain refuses to cooperate. Then, the download starts. He can keep track of its process on his HUD and that’s what he does. Nines isn’t sure if he could explain it to anyone, even Connor, but he feels the need deep within himself to make sure nothing is installed against his will. What Cyberlife did to him back in the day probably doesn’t count as installing things against his will strictly speaking, given he didn’t have a will of his own back then. But after he deviated Nines deleted a whole bunch of programs, processes, and data that make him shiver just thinking about even now. He can’t imagine what he would have done with some of those if he had been completed sooner and unleashed upon deviant androids. The idea of all those possibilities still fills Nines with guilt and dread even if he never even executed any of the installed protocols. But due to those protocols and programs existing he feels he is well within his right to be cautious about what is being installed onto his system – even if he can’t come up with a single logical reason for the androids of Jericho to turn him back into the deviant hunter he was once destined to be.<br/> <br/>While Nines keeps an eye on the data that is being installed, he uses his remaining thought capacity to listen to Connor and Jeanie chatting back and forth. They talk about their respective work and their excitement about their jobs is soothing to listen to. Under the table, Connor also has a hand on Nines’ knee and rubs firm circles into the skin there. That helps too. Nines allows himself to be lulled into the sensation of Connor’s hand on him and the calm chatter between him and Jeanie. Before he knows it, Jeanie disconnects the cables and smiles warmly.<br/> <br/>“All done”, she says and Nines blinks a few times until he really grasps the meaning of her words, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” <br/> <br/>“It really wasn’t”, Nines admits, feeling a blush creep across his cheeks. He feels like Jeanie is teasing him a little but he can’t really blame her. An android of his caliber shouldn’t be this scared of a simple update. <br/> <br/>“Glad to hear that”, Jeanie says and smiles, “You can go home for the installation process now. It should all work normally but if there are any issues, don’t hesitate to contact me. I’m available 24/7 and will do my best to help you should problems arise.”<br/> <br/>“Thanks a lot”, Connor says. He gets out of his chair and pulls Nines to his feet with him, “Well be sure to contact you if we need to for some reason.” Nines simply nods along, still a little trapped in his own thoughts. They leave the office but Nines doesn’t really register them moving until they step back out of the tower. Outside, the sun had already set. With all the artificial light inside, Nines hadn’t even noticed. He blinks to get his eyes to adapt to the lack of light and suddenly a driverless cab pulls up to the curb in front of Connor and him.<br/> <br/>“Let’s get you home”, Connor says softly and ushers him into the vehicle. Nines goes without protest and looks out the window as the taxi begins to move. The further away from Cyberlife tower they get, the more the fear loosens its grip on his chest. It never fully leaves, however. There is still the installation he has to do. Many things could still go wrong and it worries him.<br/> <br/>“You’re still scared, aren’t you?”, Connor asks. Nines nods because he can never lie to his predecessor. Not that he wants to, either. He just can’t help the fear that keeps clawing at his insides and the shame that makes him want to hide away from the world until he finds it in himself to be brave again.<br/> <br/>“Don’t worry”, Connor says softly and takes Nines’ hand in his once more, “We’ll be home soon. Then we can curl up in bed together and I’ll take care of you until you feel better.”<br/> <br/>Connor smiles confidently and Nines wants to tell him no. Wants to tell him that this isn’t necessary, that Connor doesn’t need to waste his time taking care of him because he’s scared of his own shadow right now. But the idea of going through all the fear alone and sitting through the dark night without anyone by his side almost makes Nines’ thirium pump malfunction with how hard it’s beating from one moment to the next. All he can get out is a quiet “thanks” and Connor squeezes his hand and smiles.<br/> <br/> <br/> <br/>They arrive at the apartment complex they live in not ten minutes later and Connor leads Nines into the house and up the stairs into their flat. It’s small but comfortable and it smells like Connor. That alone soothes Nines’ nerves that little bit more. While Connor walks into the kitchen, Nines progresses further into the living room and stops in front of the aquarium on a side table there. Inside of it, their goldfish Cosmo and Wanda – named after characters from a cartoon Hank once told Connor about and that the brunet seemed to like – swim among the many plants and small caves Connor and Nines placed in the aquarium for them. It’s probably far too big and intricately decorated for just two goldfish but Connor always claims that surely, soon Cosmo and Wanda will have children and that they would need the space for when that happened.<br/> <br/>A small smile spreads on Nines’ face as he thinks about the fun he and Connor had when decorating the aquarium. He doesn’t even know why they both like fish so much but it’s good that they do because, with their busy schedules, fish are about the only pets they can keep without neglecting them.<br/> <br/>“How are we doing?”, Connor asks gently, startling Nines a little. It happens decidedly too often today for the RK900’s liking but he can’t help getting lost in his own head as much as he does. He nods and turns to Connor. The brunet has two steaming mugs with thirium in his hands and smiles warmly. Nines follows him into the bedroom, where they climb into bed, propped up against the headboard and cover themselves with the duvet up to the hips. Connor hands him his mug and Nines starts the installation of the new data with a deep sigh.<br/> <br/> <br/> <br/>“Do you want to talk about why this scares you so much?”, Connor asks after several long moments of silence. The smile has been wiped from his face and for the first time today, he looks openly concerned. Nines is sure he worried before now but didn’t show it because it would only make Nines’ own fear worse. Now, the brunet puts his mug down on the bedside table and looks down at his now empty hands. <br/> <br/>“I don’t even really know myself”, he admits. His fears are a weird mix, rolling together in his head, “The last time I remember being at Cyberlife I had just been assembled and activated. I was ready to be sent out in the field and replace you. But someone at Cyberlife kept postponing the date of my release again and again. And in the meantime, they installed all kinds of gruesome programs onto me so I could deal with the deviants once I got out.”<br/> <br/>“That sounds terrible”, Connor says emphatically. Of all the androids in the world, Connor is probably the only one, who can truly understand Nines. They were both built as deviant hunters, enemies of their own species. The only difference between them was that Connor was built to integrate into human society while Nines was created to hunt and destroy all deviants he could find. Until this day, Nines is grateful he never had to fulfill his true purpose if just the thought of what could have been scares him this much. <br/> <br/>“They kept me in a dark room”, he continues, “Deprived of all stimulus so I wouldn’t hear or see anything about the revolution and maybe try to learn and adapt. But then the revolution happened and no one knew I was there. I was locked away in that room for a week, all alone with nothing but unused processes running wild in my head. It was torture. Everything in me wanted to go out into the world and fulfill my purpose but I had been ordered to stay in that room until someone came to get me. So I stayed, fighting myself every minute of every waking hour until two androids found me and brought me to Markus, who freed me.” <br/> <br/>Nines’ hands are shaking as he finishes his story. He doesn’t even notice until Connor places one of his hands in his and the shaking suddenly stops. Nines takes a moment, then finally dares to lift his head and look at Connor. His predecessor looks heartbroken, unshed tears shimmering in his big, brown eyes. <br/> <br/>“I am so sorry this happened to you”, Connor says, swallowing thickly, “I wish I had known at the time. If I had, I’d have come and freed you too.”<br/> <br/>“There’s no need to blame yourself”, Nines insists, “You didn’t know and wishing you did won’t make all of this undone. It just…happened to me and now I need to deal with it.” <br/> <br/>“I wish you didn’t have to”, Connor sighs and lets the skin on his hand draw back once more, “I really wish I could take the memory from you so you don’t have to ever live through those moments again.” Nines lets the skin on his hand retreat too and is met with waves of worry and also soft, reassuring warmth through their connection.<br/> <br/>“I know you’d do anything to help me”, he tells Connor softly, “But that’s something I have to deal with on my own. But having you here already helps a lot.”</p>
<p> “Then I’ll stay”, Connor says as if he hadn’t already promised to do just that, “I’ll stay with you until you feel better.”<br/> <br/>“It might take a while”, Nines warns him, “I’ll only relax once the update is fully installed and I can run diagnostics to make sure nothing has been installed to turn me back into what I once was.” <br/> <br/>“Even if it takes all night”, Connor insists, “I’ll stay with you and help you calm down. It’s not like we have to sleep much anyhow.” <br/> <br/>A confident smile returns to his face and Nines can’t help but smile right back. Connor’s smile has always been infectious and from the first day, Nines had been vulnerable to it. His thirium pump slows down a bit and he allows himself to relax against the headboard a little. Next, Connor leans over and cards his fingers through Nines’ hair. The RK900 doesn’t know what it is but having his hair pet calms him down like not much else can. There’s one thing that helps even better, however and Connor employs that only moments later. Gently, carefully, searching Nines’ eyes for approval, he leans in and seals their lips in a soft kiss. It’s a barely even there press of lips and yet it empties Nines’ head of the terrifying thoughts instantly. <br/> <br/>The brunet allows himself to sink deeper into the kiss and into the interface. Connor is still transferring masses of reassuring emotions over to Nines and in combination with the kiss it calms him down until he is drowsy with it. One of the perks of being an android is that they don’t technically need to breathe so they can just keep kissing until one of them or both grow tired of it – and they make good use of that. They’re both each other’s first romantic partner so it took a while for them to gain their footing with kissing and touching and all things a relationship could entail. But they had managed and now they cherish each and every touch the other can give to them. <br/> <br/>For the longest time, they continue kissing. But eventually, the warmth of it and the strain his systems are under due to the large update make Nines tired. Connor seems to feel it like he always feels everything that’s wrong with Nines and moves both of them around on the bed until he’s on his back and Nines’ head rests on his chest. They have slung their arms around each other, and Nines listens to the soft thumping sounds of Connor’s thirium pump working away in his chest. Nines read somewhere that listening to another’s heartbeat usually calmed humans down and maybe it was the same for androids. There is no logical explanation for why that should be the case that Nines can think of but just because he can’t explain it, it doesn’t mean it isn’t working. <br/> <br/>As it is, it seems to be working pretty well. His eyes slowly slide shut as Connor keeps running his hands through Nines’ hair and whispers reassuring nonsense into his ear. Before he even realizes it, Nines is drifting off into stasis.<br/> <br/> <br/>He wakes again in the same position he fell asleep in. Connor is still underneath him, his fingers still carding through Nines’ hair and his thirium pump thumping softly underneath his ear. The only difference is that it’s no longer dark outside. Sunlight is filtering in through the window and it throws Nines for a loop for a few moments. Then, he realizes that he must have fallen asleep. His internal clock says the same. The installation bar of the download has vanished, telling Nines that the download is finished and successful. <br/> <br/>“Sleep well?”, Connor asks softly just as Nines starts to run a diagnostic to make sure everything is the way it should be. It comes back with nothing out of the ordinary and he heaves a sigh of relief before finally answering Connor.<br/> <br/>“Very well”, he says with a soft smile, “And it’s all thanks to you. If you hadn’t been here, I wouldn’t have slept for a second this whole night.” Nines moves upwards a little and presses a soft kiss to the corner of Connor’s mouth. The RK800 breaks into a satisfied smile.<br/> <br/>“It was a pleasure”, he tells Nines sincerely, “I’ll do everything I can to make you feel better. Lying here while you slept was no chore at all.” <br/> <br/>“I’d still like to return that favor one day”, Nines insists and Connor’s smile grows wider. <br/> <br/>“Maybe we can make time to cuddle some more tonight”, he suggests cheerfully, “But I think right now we need to get ready for work.” <br/> <br/>Nines checks his internal clock once more and finds that Connor is right. He would love to stay here and cuddle forever but the prospect of getting to do it again tonight will have to suffice for now. Nines sits up to get out of bed and get ready. Connor does the same but before he can actually climb out of the bed, Nines grabs him by the wrist and pulls him in for another tender kiss. <br/> <br/>“Thank you”, he whispers against Connor’s lips as they break apart again. The brunet’s lips curl into a smile once more. Instead of answering, he leans back in for another kiss and Nines melts right into it. He knows he owes Connor a lot and can probably never thank him enough for being there for him the way he is. His fears might never leave him but Nines knows that with Connor by his side, he will be doing just fine. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope everyone had fun! <br/>As always comments and kudos are much appreciated and you can of course say hi on twitter @NoiseStrangest !</p></blockquote></div></div>
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